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Ohmygod ohmygod he’s making his way along my row. Don’t look. Stay calm. Focus on… the textbook… that’s it. Principles of Neural Science. Fifth Edition. Anything other than those calf muscles and toned thighs and that well-defined package in his shorts I’m so not glancing at.The row is empty but he doesn’t slow, each step directly linked to my elevating heart rate. I let my hair fall on one side of my face to form an impromptu curtain between us. Pretend not to be peeking through the auburn tresses.Fuck, he’s gorgeous. Chic geek. I shouldn’t be ogling. Married women don’t ogle, right? Besides, get a grip, he’s probably half my age. Girlfriend. Subscription to all industry journals. Well respected in the chess club. Mountain biking on the weekends.I jump when someone opens a soda can from the bench behind. Pray it’s Diet Coke and everything will drift into slow motion as the guy rips off his tight T-shirt to reveal those sculpted abs and chest beneath.His top stays on. ‘Noisia’ must be some student band I should have heard of. Would I lie if he asks my opinion of them? Maybe. I’d probably just focus on those lips I dreamed of kissing. The shivers as they wandered lower from collarbone to breasts to belly, my writhing body twitching beneath his fluttering tongue when his piercing eyes gaze up into mine from between my legs. I mean, fuck, this is only week two, I’m a gloopy mess and have never been this close to him before.He smells good. Musky. Heavenly. Why am I so thirsty? Water. Need water… Gotta be in my bag somewhere. Front pocket… there. Oh Christ, it has Pusheen the cat on it. How embarrassing. Too late now, the bottle’s in my hand. Ohmygod he’s sitting next to me. I’m going to explode.Our thighs brush as he slides his knapsack to the floor and I jump.So thirsty. Why can’t I get the damn lid off this thing? I must seem like a tit struggling with it. I can feel him looking at me. Dazzling blues behind those oval metal-rim glasses, taking pity on my ineptitude. Fuck fuckity fuck. What is with this lid? I’m gonna have to smash the…”Allow me.”His voice, gravelly and oh so sexy, jolts me from my tumbling thought stream as he leans in and reaches for the novelty plastic canister. Our fingertips touch and I almost leap out of my skin. Don’t remember ever being this skittish in my life, even on my wedding day. He gently prises the thing from my vice-like grasp and releases the lid with a simple twist, handing it back.I can’t speak. Daren’t look at him. Consumed by a combination of dryness and humiliation, I can only sense his smile.”For future reference-” he pauses a beat. “It’s anti-clockwise to undo.”Turning redder than a Louboutin heel, I take a huge gulp of water and spill a third of it down my blouse. As if I wasn’t mortified enough already. “Perfect,” I mutter, brushing my top before realising it’s making my boobs bounce.I dare a glance. He’s smiling. Whether it’s at me, or just a general smile I can’t tell. He parts his lips to speak, closes them and then goes for the second attempt. “Amy, right?”I nod, dumbfounded. “How…?” Can’t manage to finish.”Will.”A second nod. “I’ve seen you around.”Under-fucking-statement.”Not seen much of you. Did you get to many Fresher’s events?”His accent’s clear. Precise. Definitely not local. South coast, perhaps. I shake my head.”Not my scene. Doubt they’d let me in. I’m not cool enough.”I feel his radiance. “They’ll let anyone in.”When signs of a cheeky grin indicating he’s teasing aren’t forthcoming, I scrunch my forehead. “Thanks!”He looks away then swings his gaze back to mine. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant you don’t need to let your…” he waves his upturned hand in my direction and the sentence seems to die in his throat.”Mature status?” I offer, my earlier panic easing with each moment in his company.He gives a toothy grin. “Mature status put you off having fun.”Tucking the stray locks of hair back behind my ear, I reflect a moment. “The fun would be sucked from the room if I turned up. The music would stop. Everyone would stare at the crazy woman with the mid-life crisis.””I doubt that. But you have a chance almanbahis to prove me right.”I blink.”It’s Vortex tonight.”He seeks a glimmer of recognition. I blink again. Twice.”Club, loud music, dancing, plenty of beer. Guy I know says it’s a banging night.””Oh, right. Doesn’t sound like me, to be honest.””You must have been clubbing first time around.”I look at the desk. “This is first time around.””No! Wow. Furthering your career or trying something new?””The latter.” I pick up the medical text and wave it. “A clean break from accountancy.”Will whistles. “Fair play. That takes some serious bottle.”I prickle with pride. “Thank you.””And,” he says, leaning in with a conspiratorial air so I catch a noseful of his manly scent beneath the aftershave, “it proves my point.”After the piss poor start, I risk a jape. “What’s that? That you can teach an old dog new tricks?”His arm brushes mine as he laughs, making me shiver. “If you’re not afraid to try, anyone can learn new tricks.”Dr. Reese breezes in, the quintessential lecturer; shock of unkempt white hair, tweed jacket, his tattered briefcase in tow. “Good morning all.”A murmur of good mornings roll around the tiered lecture hall as he unpacks a few well-thumbed books and prepares.Will leans in again. “Think about it. Seriously. You’ll have fun. My housemates will be there and if you turn up, I’ll buy you a drink. No strings.”Our eyes meet, my pulse spikes. He has the most gorgeous aquamarine eyes, and lashes to die for, magnified slightly by his specs. He turns his lopsided grin to the front as Dr. Reese addresses us and launches into the lecture.It takes me a long moment to gather my thoughts and pick up my pen before opening my Pusheen folder and start taking notes.~o0o~The afternoon sun streams through the library window catching the highlights in Gemma’s otherwise inky straight hair as she swings her legs off the table upon which she’s sat. “You should totes go.”I take a sip of water, without spilling any. “Oh I don’t know. Not been clubbing for… well, I can’t remember.””You’ll defo fit in. Me and Trace and Sash are going out out. We’ll get your six.””Out out?”She rolls her eyes in mock dissent. “Not just out. Large out. The one too many kinda out. Freaky Friday!””Oh. Doubt I’ll be much company then. Three drinks and I’m anyone’s.”A broad grin spreads. “Fratdaddy’s are in for some type two fun then.”I appreciate I’ve only known her a few weeks after chatting in the registration queue on day one and hitting it off, but I swear she should come with a decoder ring. It’s like conversing with a text message; I half expect her to finish sentences with ‘lol’. Presuming it’ll get easier as I tune in, I simply nod as if I get it and keep quiet.”A1 sorted.””What? I was only agreeing with you.”She pouts. “Awww, c’mon, Amy. YOLO.”That one I actually know, thanks to my teenage daughter. I huff.Gemma hops off the table and playfully pokes me. “Come on. Have fun. One night.””But my family. I need to-“”Call them. Right.” She holds out her hand. “Phone.”I shake my head. “I can’t just drop everything. I need to make dinner. Besides, I don’t have anything to wear and I-“”Phone.” Her hand’s unmoving.I sigh and rummage in my bag.A flicker of a smile crosses Gemma’s face when she sees the state of it. “You call.””And say what?””You’ll be late.””He’ll want to know why. He’s… inflexible.””Jeez, make some shit up.””What?!””All-nighter assignment? Lost car keys? Just dial, girlfriend.”I shake, scrolling through the phonebook. It feels wrong to be dishonest even though Shaun and I haven’t exactly been on the same wavelength of late. For a while, actually, since I plucked up the courage to leave my old job and start anew. I suspect he doesn’t like our temporary salary drop or doesn’t understand my reasons. Sometimes I wonder if I do, but I’ve made the choices and intend to live with them.Staring at Gemma with her shimmering lip-gloss, perfect teeth and hair like a Pantene commercial, I hit green, barely believing what I’m about to do. The soft purr of the ringtone against my eardrum is almost drowned out by the adrenaline. “Hi, almanbahis yeni giriş honey… yes, I’m fine. Listen, would you be able to hold the fort tonight? I’m thinking of staying here for a bit.”Gemma rolls a polished finger in a circle indicating to spin the yarn but I’m listening to Shaun fumble excuses. He hates last minute alterations. “Oh. Okay… Sure. Okay, I’d forgotten what day it is. No problem, I can stay late another time.” I shrug at Gemma. She grabs the phone.”Mr. Whitman? Hi. Sorry, we’re kidnapping your wife tonight.” My face drops and I scrabble for the phone but she turns away, grinning, out of reach. “Girly night out, letting our hair down, shakin’ uni stressors. We’ll return her in the ay-em,” she flashes me an impish grin, “mostly unharmed.” She listens, twisting away from my flailing grasp. “They sell pizza to anyone, y’know… Aha… I’m sure Sophia will cope. Kids like pizza… Yep… Nope… Well you’ve got a few hours to man up then. Enjoy.”She presses and holds the power button and the device beeps off.I’m slackjawed. “I can’t believe you did that.”She beams. “You got lectures?”I rack my spinning brain. “Medical Science at two.””Come to ours at three. If you can’t gank anything off us, we’ll shop. Get you some slutpants to wow Mr. Physics Fit.” I open my mouth to protest but she whispers, “Psyche!” and bounds away leaving me with just my dormant phone and an army of butterflies trying to perforate my body.  ~o0o~The music is deafening; a one-way trip to tinnitus I’m sure. Strobes illuminate the clouds of thick, drifting smoke and partially clad gyrating bodies on the dance floor like a hedonistic flicker book as I sip what’s left of my second drink from a safe distance. The initial disquiet at being in the club and wearing unfamiliar clothing is fading as the alcohol takes hold, but I’m still a little wary.I pick out Sasha and Tracy in close quarters, dancing as one, lips close. “Lezzing it up” as Gemma eloquently referred to it earlier. She appears beside me, effortless in the tightest white jeans, platforms and ravishing scoop neck, tits for the taking. I give a forced smile, leaning in, shouting over the din.”They seem… happy.”She nods and we watch them kiss. Slow and languorous despite the driving beat, yet feeding off it. Swaying in sync, hands roaming and clutching over scraps of clothing that they clearly consider a hindrance. Sasha is the dominant part of the equation, pulling the brunette in for a deep tongue kiss, hands tracking south to squeeze her curvy rump in the jean shorts. Tracy snakes her hands in the opposite direction behind Sasha’s head to entwine her dirty blonde locks and the kiss heats up.I squirm. It’s somehow hot to witness their expression of love in such a public forum. The freedom to do whatever pleases them is refreshing. I suspect they haven’t been together long, still scoping one another out. But at the rate they’re going, the dance floor will soon no longer be able to contain what they wish to share.Gemma’s voice startles me, her breath hot in my ear. “Don’t look now but there’s a guy checking you out. I think it’s Physics Fit.”Of course I look. It’s him alright. Dark jeans, ripped at the knee, below a purple checked shirt not quite buttoned to the top. Acknowledging him, he nods back and makes his way from his group of friends towards us, my heart rate overtaking the unyielding dance beat. His smile does things to me and I look away at the throng of clubbers. Sasha it seems is trying to climb inside Tracy’s throat.I hear Gemma introducing herself to Will above the suffocating music. She’s easy going. Flirty. More his type compared to me, too dumbstruck to even make eye contact in case he sees through me. Sees how much I want him even though I mustn’t. Sees my fear and misinterprets it as a green light to infidelity and lawyers and custody battles.Panic kicks in. I’ve made a mistake and question everything. Question being here in this too-tight skirt that Gemma insisted was perfect in the store. Question the shirt with too few fasteners that shows too much. Question my sanity for leaving Shaun almanbahis giriş alone on our traditional sofa movie night.I’m unsettled. Agitated. Scanning for the exit, jostled by the crowd streaming from the bar spilling drinks, I make another mistake, risking a glance his way. Seeing his eyes on mine, looking at me or through me I’m not sure, the panic switches to excitement in an instant. There’s a surge in my core at being his object of attention even though Gemma’s pouring herself in his ear, close enough that he could move a few millimetres and touch her maddeningly perfect curves, yet doesn’t.She brushes his arm and shares one more private item in his ear, then turns and winks at me before sashaying to the bar.Fuuuuck. My safety net’s gone. All of a sudden it seems there’s only he and I in the club as the temperature doubles. He steps into my space. “She seems nice.”It takes a moment to find my voice before I babble, “Oh she is. Super friendly. Smart. Funny, even though I can barely understand what she’s talking about half the time and I think she-“He cuts me off. “She’s not as pretty as you.”I’m floored. Turning to a gawping statue, I eventually stutter, “What?!”Will leans in so close I fear he’ll be able to feel my heart hammering through my chest. Despite the din, his voice has pinpoint clarity. “I said she’s not as pretty as you. Nor as smart, nor likely as strong-willed. I admire that.”Flattery doesn’t normally work on me. Too wily; seen it all. But whether it’s him or the alcohol or the setting or a combination, my body tingles. An all-over shiver that has no discernible starting point. How can he be interested in me compared to her? Or any other girl here for that matter? I shuffle from one foot to the other in his imposing presence and almost gasp. I can barely believe it, but the evidence is obvious in my knickers. I’m wet? Fucking hell.The revelation derails me even further. I’ve never known anything like it, even during my courting days. I’m hot for this kid and have no idea why or how. No frame of reference. Old enough to be his mother and yet… and yet.His voice returns. “I promised you that drink.”He steps away, arm openly gesturing towards the bar. I hesitate, locating my voice. “I’ve probably had enough.”Cocking his head to one side and flashing me a grin, he calls out, “Sure? Not even one? I always try and keep my promises. And it is the weekend.”My head says I shouldn’t. I don’t like being too out of control. I can be reckless. Used to be reckless. I open my mouth to stand my ground, but something makes me pause. A tiny voice in the back of my head that becomes louder, rivalling the music. Perhaps planted there by his unwavering, panty-melting gaze. I weigh it all up and my resolve sags, then snaps under his magnetism. “One drink,” I find myself saying before threading my way to the bar, positive his stare is burning through my wiggling skirt.Elbowing through to the bar edge, Will pressed to my hip, he orders for us and the heavily tattooed barman retrieves four shot glasses and proceeds to mix what looks like Blue Curaçao, vodka and lime. The azure liquid fills the glasses to the brim.I look from Will to the drinks and back. “Can he not count?”Will takes one and hands it to me, grinning and holding his up for me to clink. “Bottoms up.”I shake my head, take a deep breath, tell myself everything’s going to be alright and upend the mixture in unison with him.It’s sweet. Almost sickly at first until the vodka and lime kick in to quell it. He slams his glass on the bar and I do likewise as warmth spreads from my throat throughout. He’s reaching for the second one almost before the alcohol is level with my chest.”Blue Kamikaze,” he announces. “Say goodbye to Kansas, Dorothy.”He raises the drink. Just one more slug and I have options as the potent mixture dissipates. Keep my head or throw up; either way is an exit strategy. Spend some time chatting with him, or find Gemma, probably orphaned by her face-sucking housemates. Maybe dance. I’m feeling that buzz, inhibitions fading with each beat. That irrepressible need to sway to the music. It’s something I can barely remember doing in my twenties, but it feels natural. Sensual. Something I should perhaps do more. Embrace life instead of being chained to the job or being a taxi driver for Sophia’s teenage wing spreading.

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